Getting back to the root of blogging with uninterrupted, narcissistic rambling.
I've been feeling really anxious lately. I have multiple reasons to feel this way and I know what they all are but it is still very unsettling and distracting.
In nine days, I'm getting a puppy. A LIVING BREATHING ANIMAL that I'm supposed to take care of and who is depending on me. I've never had any pet in my life. My roommate in my freshman year of college had three fish that lived with us. She went home for a weekend and I stayed in the dorms and when she got back 48 hours later, she had two fish. I didn't even give it a proper burial. I just tossed it in the garbage can and took the trash out. I didn't mean to. I was just so afraid that she would be mad that I wasn't thinking. But now I'm nervous. Really nervous. The roommate (can I call him husband yet? I don't know how I feel about that word) can hardly stand himself he is so excited and I just sit there like
Yup, I'm going to screw this up. My parents and his parents are stoked too and when people ask if I'm excited I put on the plastic smile and nod but in my head I'm thinking
Not really.......
I have projects galore that I want to get done around the house before the summer is here (and mostly before the puppy gets here). It doesn't feel like I have enough time to do everything on my list and when I'm done with work at night, I'm so exhausted that I don't have the ambition to get them done (or even start them).
The roommate is taking two grad school classes and is now in the last two weeks of them. Meaning he has been pulling many all-nighters and we haven't actually "hung out" in days...weeks. It's okay because I know he's busy with work and school but it's hard to do everything alone and know that he is stressed out and there's nothing you can do about it.
I've been wanting to get my blog off its feet. I finally started taking the initiative to comment on a ton of people's blog posts, expand on the blogs I read, link up with other blogs, and I'm in the process of sponsoring two different blogs and revamping my whole site. I know this is my "fun place" but I really am trying to get more readers and it's a slow and tedious process. It's frustrating because you follow all the tips people give you and you expect magic to happen overnight. I know the only thing I can give this little blog is time to let those readers find it but I don't want to give it time. I'm like a little kid...I WANT IT NOW! Okay, I'm done.
These are all things that come and go though. The one that has me the most anxious lately is my career. I'm in a job right now that, though very grateful for, I have come to a dead end and there's nowhere for me to move within it seems. I've been with the company for a little over three years and in the position for two years and I've gotten into a comfortable spot. I know the job well enough where I can do it in my sleep but I don't feel challenged anymore. At all. I really have no idea what I want to do though anymore. How long can I keep saying "What do I want to be when I grow up?". I know that God has a plan for me. There's a reason that previous jobs that I have applied for within haven't worked out but when is He going to throw me a sign about where I'm supposed to be? I've been job hunting online but I can't leave where I'm at until the beginning of June (long story) so I don't want to apply and interview for a job, fall in love with it, and tell them I can't start until June 6. The odds of them "waiting" for me are slim to none. I've been doing a lot of praying and
I know that I will be where I need to be when I need to be there. I've put my faith 100% in God that He will lead me to that path when He feels I'm ready. In the meantime, I'll keep looking and start applying.